One Elfy for an entire planet?
He’s supposed to be the Watcher for his people, the representative on Earth from his dimension, but the small being known to his enemies as “Jonny-Wonny” wakes up to big trouble — trapped in a bizarre house in Knightsville, California with humans straight out of reality TV. Jon knows that something has gone dreadfully wrong — he’s starving, lonely and dressed in funny clothes.
Enter the couple’s ten-year-old diminutive daughter, who is “Not Daisy!” but is brilliant, sweet…and using high level magic with ease. She’s also desperately in need of a friend.
Insisting her name is really Sarah, and christening him Bruno, his new friend asks him how they’re going to get out of there.
The only thing that comes to mind is for Bruno to ask his teacher, Roberto the Wise, for help. But Roberto’s attempt at help only enmeshes all three of them further in a web of deceit and treachery. Bruno finds out that, unfortunately, most of what he thought he knew about himself was very wrong…and much of what Sarah knows about herself is also wrong, including her age.
Worst of all, a Dark Elf is on the scene and is intent on corrupting the local Humans, including Sarah’s parents.
New names, new locations, a new mission–Bruno is going to get to the bottom of all the craziness, and Sarah will be there for him every step of the way.
Watch out, universe–an Elfy is on the loose!
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“Barb Caffrey’s An Elfy on the Loose is a fresh and unexpected take on the urban fantasy genre with a charming and original protagonist. You’ll want to read this one.” – Rosemary Edghill, author of Dead Reckoning, Music To My Sorrow and the Bast Mysteries.
"Bruno, an Elfy from another dimension, wanted to visit Earth. Now, he’s trapped in a house of deadly secrets, one of which is a strange girl (Sarah) he feels a connection to right from the start. And, as he tries to plan an escape, he discovers hidden truths about his life and a dark plot threatening his entire civilisation. An Elfy on the Loose dances from one genre to another without pausing for breath and rockets towards a cliffhanger ending." - Amazon Review from C.G. Nuttall
""What fools these mortals be,"" Jon said with a sigh. He'd come to the Human Realm mainly because of boredom, but look! Now, he was bored by the Humans, too.About Barb Caffrey
Just listen to 'em. ""No, dear, I want him for my party,"" the woman said.
""No, darling, I need him for my party,"" said the man.
Really, it was enough to make him gag. And the ""uniform"" they had him wear wasn't exactly to his taste either. He looked down at the red and purple unitard, kicked at the blue booties (with brass bells at the ends; fortunately he had enough magic left to silence those, or he'd have a migraine), and took off the yellow hat (with the red, purple, and blue feathers) and threw it across the room.
The squabbling couple never even noticed.
""Well, dear, you knew—"" said one, who cared which?
""No, I didn't,"" said the other.
""Oh, yes you did!""
It was enough to make him vomit. Jon got up and started pacing. What could he do to make them listen?
He put on his most stern countenance (not easy considering he stood exactly three feet tall in his sock feet), then went up and tugged at the woman's skirt. She never even blinked.
""Go away, Elfy-Welfie. We'll go out later.""
""But—"" Jon tried to interrupt.
""Really, we will,"" she overrode him. ""I'm going to show you off to all my friends! They've been trying to get a full Elf for years. Just think of the status I'll get with you, one of the elusive Elfy-Welfies!""
Feeling like a fool, he retreated to the nearest rest room. What, if anything, could he do to get their attention?
Jon took off the ridiculous costume, put back on the sober black outfit he'd been wearing when he showed up here, and went to the kitchen. He found the handy-dandy step-stool he'd been using to get at the Humans' food in order to feed himself (the idiot Humans thought he fed on moonbeams and rainbows; what garbage!), and took it to the other room. He put it next to the man, who was still arguing with the woman. The man said, ""Well, dearest, the lodge would adore the Elfy-Welfie. It's our lodge symbol, for the Gods' sake!""
Jon climbed up the stool and hit the man on the back. He would have rather hit the Human upside his head, but that was as far as Jon could reach, even with the step-stool.
The man never even noticed, except to scratch his back in the place Jon had hit him.
Jon sighed again. He climbed down from the step-stool, picked it up, and brought it back to the kitchen. It was time for his morning snack anyway.
He went to the refrigerator and took out some sliced ham. He never had understood the stricture against pork; it tasted so good! (The stomachache it gave him just had to be purely coincidental.) He bit into the ham blissfully, and for a moment all the cares of the world went away.
A small, dark-haired girl came into the kitchen and stared at him.
""What are you looking at?"" Jon asked.
""I didn't think—"" the girl stammered.
""Damn straight, you guys don't think!"" Jon snarled. ""What's up with the crap out there? No matter what I do or say, I can't get anyone to feed me, so I feed myself. I even took off that stupid blasted 'uniform,' and they don't even notice. What does a poor little Elfy-Welfie have to do around here to get some attention?""
BARB CAFFREY is a writer, editor and musician from the Midwest. She is the author of the humorous urban fantasy/romance AN ELFY ON THE LOOSE, and is the co-author of the Adventures of Joey Maverick series (with late husband Michael B. Caffrey). Barb is an inveterate reader, a huge baseball fan (Go, Brewers!), reviews books at Shiny Book Review, and wonders when her little dog will ever stop doing "the paw trick."